Things To Do In A Lecture By Paul Palmer
- Take notes.
- Take someone else’s notes.
- Play frisbee.
- Start a Mexican wave.
- Give a running commentary on the lecture, Murry Walker style.
- Turn up in a gorilla outfit. Eat bananas and attempt to pick fleas off the person in front of you.
- Bring a whoopee cushion- nuff said.
- Swap clothes with the person next to you.
- Get up and start dancing around like a ballerina saying, “Its a dream, its all just a dream”.
- Burst into fits off laughter. Repeat at random.
- Sit in the front row and shake your head at everything the lecturer says. When they ask why say, “Ahhh….that would be telling”.
- Bring a walkman and play at loudest volume.
- Form a barbershop quartet with the people on your row.
- When the lecturer walks in point at them and yell, “Its them, its them, the one I told you about!” Run out screaming.
- Put a whole pack of chewing gum in your mouth and chomp away as loud as you can.
- Turn up naked except for shoes, socks and driving gloves. Insist you stay for the lecture.
- Fake a massive argument with the person next to you. Shoot them with a starter pistol and walk out muttering, “Some people never learn”.
- 18. Swap seats whenever the lecturer is facing the board. Repeat as often as possible.
- 19. Bring young children.
- 20. Get married. Hold reception on back three rows.
- Bring popcorn, coke, hot dogs etc. Shout comments like “Cut to the car chase”.
- Sit on the front row and stare at the lecturer the whole time. Blink as little as possible.
- Convert to Christianity as many people as possible, including the lecturer. If you convert everybody form a church.
- Turn up half an hour late. Walk out five minutes later.
- Pretend to fall asleep. Mumble things like, “I invented the baboon”. Consider sleep walking.
- At the end of the lecture hold up score cards for the lecturers performance. Give marks for style, content and lack of dress sense.
- Have a lightsabre fight using pencils with the person next to you. Make “Vroommm, vroommm” noises when waving them around and “kkschkkshksch!” noises when they make contact.
- Perform a miracle.
- Turn up with a thrash metal band. Claim you had booked the hall for a gig. Try and play at least one song.
- Say, “But why?” whenever the lecturer says anything.
- Lie on the floor and pretend to be dead. Time how long it takes anyone to notice.
- Turn up in a straight jacket. Eat as much paper as possible.
- Get a friend to announce your entrance through the PA. “Ladies and gentleman would you please welcome…” etc.
- Crawl about under the chairs. Try and get from one side of the room to the other.
- Cover all your paper with blue cartridge ink. Write notes using an ink eraser.
- Hire a rent-a-mob to be your fan club for the day. Get them to come in half way through the lecture insisting on your autograph and having their picture taken with you.
- Yell, “Can you speak up a bit?” every five minutes. See how loud you can get the lecturer to go.
- Shave your legs, face, chest, feet etc.
- Play a game of twister.
- Have a picnic. Release lots of wasps into the lecture hall for added authenticity.
- Turn up drunk with a friend. Have a loud debate as to which spice girl you fancy the most.
- Write notes using only your feet.
- Recreate the napalm scene from ‘Apocalypse Now’ using a cigarette lighter, a small pot plant and a can of Mr. Sheen.
- Get as many people as possible to do a Jimmy Saville impression,. “Now then, now then…..” etc.
- Start a conga line.
- Declare the lecture hall to be an autonomous state with yourself as president.
- Stand up halfway through the lecture and say, “Hang on, all this stuff your saying, its a load of old rubbish surely?!?”
- Say, “Err” in a loud annoying voice every time the lecturer says, “Err”.
- Pretend to be invisible. Run around naked pushing things off of tables.
- Dig an escape tunnel. Nominate someone to be the chirpy cockney sergeant.
The Christian Student UK 